Tonight my roommate and I will host our 2nd annual State of the Union party. Last year, when they clapped, we drank. Tis year, we got a little more sophisticated about it (in an effort to save our livers). The below list of words is addended with drink values. I hear the speech will be about 38 minutes long, and something tells me I’ll clear double that this evening…
God – 1 drink, Science – 2 drinks
Terrorism/terrorists/terror/terrorizing/terrorites – 1 drink
tizzerror – 1 gallon paint thinner
Medicare/Medicaid – 1 drink, Privatize – 2 drink
Osama Bin Laden/Saddam Hussein – 1 drink
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – 2 drinks (+1 if pronounced correctly)
Iraq – 1 drink, Iran – 2 drinks
Timetable – 2 drinks
Freedom/Democracy – 1 drink
Education 1 (+1 if mispronounced)
Surveillance – 1 drink, Eavesdropping – 3 drinks
Reform – 1 drink, Corruption – 2 drinks, Abramoff – 3 drinks
Political contribution – 2 drinks
Alito – 1 drink, Miers – finish drink
Environment – 1 drink, Kyoto – 3 drinks
Global warming – 2 drinks, in same sentence as corporation – 20 drinks
Oil – 1 drink, within 5 second span of “Alaska” – 3 drinks
Torture – 1 drink, Secret Prisons – 4 drinks
Bipartisan – 1 drink
Liberals/leftists – 2 drinks
Evil – 2 drinks
Evil Liberals – turn off tv, continue drinking
Media – 1 drink
The United States of America – round of applause (he’s a uniter!)
Taxes – 1 drink (pay our dues)
Deficit – 1 drink, Surplus – 2 drinks
Marijuana – vape hit
Katrina/New Orleans/Atlantis – 1/1/15
Immigration – 1 drink
“Don’t mess with Texas!” – cry, drink as many as it takes to stop the tears
Bring it on/Smoke ‘em out – 1 drink
Stutters or drawls to appeal to base – 2 drinks
“nukular”/other bushisms- 3 drinks
(nervous laughter) – 1 drink


