Controlled Chaos

Sometimes you gotta dig deep, when problems come near
Don’t fear things get severe for everybody everywhere
Why do bad things happen, to good people?
Seems that life is just a constant war between good and evil
The situation that I’m facin, is mad amazin
to think such problems can arise from minor confrontations
Now I’m contemplatin in my bedroom pacin
Dark clouds over my head, my heart’s racin
Suicide? Nah, I’m not a foolish guy
Don’t even feel like drinking, or even gettin high
Cause all that’s gonna do really, is accelerate
the anxieties that I wish I could alleviate
But wait, I’ve been through a whole lot of other shit, before
So I oughta be able, to withstand some more
But I’m sweatin though, my eyes are turnin red and yo
I’m ready to lose my mind but instead I use my mind
I put down the knife, and take the bullets out my nine
My only crime, was that I’m too damn kind
And now some skanless motherfuckers wanna take what’s mine
But they can’t take the respect, that I’ve earned in my lifetime
And you know they’ll never stop the furious force of my rhymes
So like they say, every dog has it’s day
And like they say, God works in a mysterious way
So I pray, remembering the days of my youth
As I prepare to meet my moment of truth.

They say it’s lonely at the top in whatever you do
You always gotta watch motherfuckers around you
Nobody’s invincible no plan is foolproof
We all must meet our moment of truth.

~Gang Starr, Moment of Truth 

I’ve been finished with teaching for two days now.  I was a bit depressed, but am coming out of it quickly as I discover what life in New York can be…

On Wednesday, I went out with friends to Jake’s dilemma.  I was depressed, so I didn’t consume any depressants, but the friends and conversation were inebriating noentheless.  Yesterday, I got up NOT early (only at 7:30, instead of 5:30), and headed down to get coffee with Hillary, a close friend from college.  Then, I came back to Harlem, and got a Roth IRA set up at Wachovia – something I’ve been meaning to do for a while.  Then, that evening, I went to the HK lounge, a gay bar just west of time’s square, for my friend Jeff’s birthday.  It was a lot of fun – they reserved a corner near the bar, and even gave him a bottle of champagne.  But the best part was a surprise to us all – The cast of Rent had an after-party upstairs, and came down in groups of 2 or 3 to sing for us.  Incredible.

Today, Julia from my school came over and we made lunch.  Then, Kristin, an incoing TFAer to my school, came over with three of her girlfriends to talk, and to wait until their next apartment viewing.  And now, I’m headed down to Brooklyn to a party hosted by my friend Ajeet, replete with a sushi chef, a DJ, and a bartender (actually, the three apartment owners fill these roles, and do so well).  Should be fun!

…finally broke.  I’d been wearing one at all times since I came back from India, two years ago.  Wearers are supposed to be blessed until it falls off.

Life certainly has sucked since.

Even though I haven’t gone in over a month, I got my Starbucks free tonight.  Felicia and I went right at close, and the barista called our drinks from memoriy.  We went to pay, and another barista told us the register was closed.  She told us not to worry – he had it.  He said if he knew our drinks, we were good.  She added that she knew me well enough because I was in there before.

I’m trying to cut caffeine out of my diet, but in the meanwhile, its good to know that Harlem is starting to feel me!

STLtoday – News – St. Louis City

Apparently STL’s public school system is crumbling so rapidly that there won’t be enough room for veteran teachers, much less TFA.  This is a result of development downtown that has lead to a number of private and charter schools being erected for the “white kids.”  Sadly, that will leave the public schoolers with the veterans who, in my experience, are not always the hardest-working.