1/30/2005 05:26:01 PM|||Jonthon|||

The 3T formula
My friend sent me this article which says that women are interested in men primarily for protection and support. I would hold that men are equally dependent on women for the same, but that men are expected to provide, and women to garner.

Bring up the Pre-nup
My friend then sent me this article, detailing why men need pre-nups. In our conversation, I tried to tie the two articles together to create a coherent and logical proposition: marriage, to me, is a failed institution. Perhaps I am just depressed about the state of marriage and gender relations in general. However, upon my stating that "marriage is not in line with contemporary virtues and lifestyles," I was asked for details and specifics.
My response: In all aspects of our life we seek variety and fulfillment, but in marriage, we seek absolution and reciprocity. Marriage in its traditional sense is no longer desirable because of its a focus on the family as a whole, a competitive enterprise in which a breadwinner (a man) calls the shots, that person's spouse (a woman) acts as support staff, and the beneficiaries (children) feed from the profitability and social capital of the parents to further a family destiny. Now, with the advocation of women's rights, equality, family cohesion, the tenets of marriage have become disparate and ingenuous, especially among the struggling families of the burgeoning lower class.
Marriage is not beyond salvation, but without any impetus to foster redefinition, it seems doomed to fail in a world of exponential change. My friend wisely asked me what I would do to bring about change. Building families with a team orientation as opposed to a competitive unit would dismiss a need for a hierarchical family structure. Open marriages would lend themselves to honesty in all other facets of life (though they wouldn't eradicate faultings of trust entirely). I would go as far as to say that eventually, communal upbringing of children could be implemented for the betterment of the human race as a whole.
I thought I might throw out some odds and ends. 60% of marriages end in divorce. Of the 40% that remain together, the majority are patriarchical, and in many cases the male is the sole wage earner. This is not in line with contemporary culture, and it certainly is not an image of the future. Marriage, as an institution of the church, seems unlikely to be willing to adapt to change, as evidenced in the recent elections with regard to gay marriage. Without reform and redefinition, marriage is less likely to be seen as a fitting corrolary to American determinance for individualism, personal freedom, and immediate gratification.
Personally, I think the problem is more in those tenets of Americanism than in marriage. I would love to accept paternal leave, and hope to freelance through my child's first years if a company will not grant it to me. I don't think I could handle an open marriage, especially given that I have never cheated on anyone. However, as I noted earlier, this is generational...and something has to change.

|||110712756140870623|||Marriage - a failed institution?